Reparations
by buckice
Summary: Another post season 6 finale fic. Lorelai tries to repair the mess that she's made and both she and Luke need to decide if their's is a love worth fighting for. JavaJunkie, yay something new for me
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: Another post season 6 finale fic. Lorelai tries to repair the mess that she's made and both she and Luke need to decide if their's is a love worth fighting for. JavaJunkie, yay something new for me ;)

**Disclaimer**: I thought about saying that I'm so glad they're not mine now, but that would be a lie. The episode may have been hearbreaking but still makes for a good story. But they're not mine, so I'll admit to that at least.

**Notes**: So I had originally made up my mind not to write a post finale fic. I have my long fic going and another one that will be posted soon and there's so many post finale fics out there. But I just couldn't help it. I needed my catharsis and you guys seem to like these as your catharsis. And then I wasn't going to write it because I didn't have a unique angle. But as I was writing the next chapter of my other fic, I opened to a blank page and the first chapter of this just came out. All I kept seeing was Lorelai's face at the end, and it was haunting. It got to me. Lauren Graham, the things you do...

Anywho, please read and review! I can't promise that this will be updated as fast as my other fics, but I will do my best.

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**Reparations **

It's the worst feeling in the world. Like waking up on the wrong side of the bed, stepping on glass and tearing gashes in your bare feet as you get up and then opening your bedroom door to find a big gaping hole where the world should be. It's like that. Only worse.

And that's what it feels like to her. That she had taken one day, exactly 24 hours to take her entire life, throw it in the trash, throw the trash can off a cliff and watch it float away in the ocean.

The worst part is that there was no turning back. There is no way to take it back, to undo what she had done. She just has to live with it. And it is unconceivable that it's going to be an easy process.

So there she lies. Her eyes finally open, not just to the morning light but to everything she has done and every wrong choice she has made. And she stares. Searching for a conclusion to all this. Something that would take the whole disaster and tie it up in a neat package with a nice purple bow. She needs to finally see some sense in the whole thing, because without clarity, there is no way she can keep things from getting worse.

Hitting rock bottom had always been a funny phrase to her. Strange how something that once made her giggle, now refers to her and her life. She might have thought that she hit it the day she found the bag from Anna on the counter, or after Lane's wedding when she made that horrible speech, but that wasn't it. Now is it. This is rock bottom. And if she can just look up, try to reach the rock just a little bit above her, she might be able to pull herself out. But if she doesn't reach it in time, the walls will close in and she will be lost forever.

Her eyes finally focus on something. The clock. It reads 10:05. And suddenly the world makes sense again. She can feel the cool air on her naked shoulder. She can feel the pressure of Christopher's arm around her. She can feel the hot breath from the sleeping man next to her on her back. And all she feels is dirty and ashamed. Yes, she feels dirty. Another word that used to make her giggle now refers to her. Because that's what she is. She is dirty.

And she knows she has to get out of there.

Slowly she tries to extricate herself from the bed. She carefully removes Christopher's arm from around her and watches as he snuggles in deeper into her pillow, like a little boy holding his blankie close so that he can sleep. There's a small smile of glee on his face as he dreams and she wonders what he's dreaming about. Could it be her? Could he be remembering last night? Or is it more? Is he imagining a future, a happy heaven with her and Rory skipping through fields with daisies in their hair? She shudders to guess.

Pressing her hands on the bed, she stands up, her legs still shaky from last night's events and the revolting memory she's left with. She runs her hands through her hair, feeling the knots and tangles. Her face is sticky from the tears she's cried and her eyes swollen from the anguish she felt deep inside. She allows her hands to travel down her body, imagining that the light caresses of her own fingers on her skin can cleanse her body and soul. They move down her neck as she remembers Christopher's lips against her throat, pulling, as if trying to draw her blood, draining her of life. Her hands run down over her breasts as and she can still remember Christopher's touch, his rough hands, his clumsy ministrations that only felt like she was being molded into what he dreamed she was. The tips of her fingers trace paths down over her flat stomach, the arches of her hips and deep with in, all she can feel is hurt, her stomach contracting, repulsed with the person it lives inside. And her hands pause. Because she knows if she lets them travel any lower, they'll reach parts that are now foreign to her, like entities that are not really hers, just another part of her body that no longer belongs to her.

Opening her eyes once again, she bends down and picks up her dress off the ground and pulls it over her head. The thin material feeling even more sheer, needing something closer to heavy armor to cloak her nakedness. But the dress will have to do until she gets home.

She picks up her black sweater, adding that to her ensemble and walks out of the bedroom. As she passes the bed, she focuses her eyes in front of her. Not wanting to see Christopher's form on the bed. Not wanting to witness the mussed sheets and rumpled covers that could only help her to fully grasp what she has done. Not wanting to let her mind ever revisit the dreadful events of the night before.

On the coffee table in the living room, she spies her keys and purse. As she picks them up off the table, her eyes wander the room. And she sees everything. The couch where he held her close while she cried and screamed and beat her hands against his chest. The empty bottle of Jack Daniels that had been emptied into her stomach and was now in the process of waging war on her liver. The blanket that had been wrapped around her as Christopher heat up some coffee in order to keep her from shaking and trembling but she had known the vibrations of her body weren't due to cold. And then she sees it. She lets out a sharp strangled cry, dropping her keys, as everything becomes clear. What she has done. That she had given herself to him in the hope that he would fill her, make her whole again, and take away the loneliness that was attempting to take over her life.

"Lor?" she hears Christopher call from behind her and she jumps, startled to realize that she's no longer the only one awake. She covers her mouth with her hand, trying to control the shudders that are vibrating through her body, so different they are from the ones from last night when her emotions were do to her loss. Today the sensations are only a reaction to her deep regret.

"I was just leaving," she manages to croak out. She can hear the rustle behind her, him moving forwards, towards her. And then she feels his hand on her shoulder and suddenly it's more than she can handle. She doubles over, her arms wrapping around her stomach as she's wracked with sobs.

"Lorelai…" he murmurs as his hand turns her body to face his, putting both hands on her shoulders, pulling her towards him.

"Nooo," she moans. Trying to get control she hiccups, only to sob harder. He tries to pull her in again. "Stop," she moans. Pulling away, her body revolting against the hands pulling her towards Christopher. She manages to wriggle out of his grasp. One of her hands covers her face as the other goes out in front of her, keeping Christopher where he is, away from her. "Don't."

"Lor, I know you're still upset about Luke. But that's why I'm here. I'm your friend. I'm here for you. I've always got your back," Christopher pleads. And suddenly her deep guilt is washed away only to be replaced by intense anger as she glares at Christopher.

"Are you freaking kidding me with that crap Christopher!" she screams. She watches as his smile is quickly wiped off his face and he tenses. "A friend doesn't do that. A friend doesn't take advantage of the situation. A friend wouldn't allow that. A friend wouldn't…" She shakes her head, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks but only feeling the white hatred pulsing through her body, disgust with herself for her actions and loathing for Christopher for allowing it.

"I… I didn't Lor. I mean, not alone. You begged me to. You asked me to."

"You should have said no. What kind of state was I in? I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't even thinking. That's why I wanted it. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to feel. But we both had to know that I'd wake up in the morning disgusted with myself," she retorts. Christopher sighs with exasperation.

"I just did what you asked," Christopher explains numbly.

"And a friend would have realized that he should say no. A friend would realize that there was more than that night left in my lifetime and the effects from going through with it would be far worse than if he said no."

"So you're blaming me?" Christopher smiles in anger and amazement, slapping his hands against his side. "Of course you are. You're the same person who blamed me for your inability to commit to Max or any other guy. Now you're blaming me for keeping you from committing to Luke." She looks down at the ground, recalling Christopher's anger that day, his frustration for having everything that went wrong in her life being blamed on him. And she recalls the expression on Luke's face as she looked into his eyes when Christopher strode out the door. The look of disbelief that Christopher would have that reaction and pity for her that she was talked to that way.

"I'm not blaming you alone for this. But don't try to say you're my friend. Don't try to say you were only trying to comfort me, when you and I both know that there are consequences that go along with our actions," she responds.

"So I was just supposed to turn you down? Push you back out the door?" Christopher asks.

"If that's what was necessary. I made have been angry with you for the night, I may have yelled that I hated you, but, honey, that ain't nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now." She shakes her head at him, almost a smirk on her face and she picks up her keys off the ground. "I'm sorry Chris. I'm sorry I came. I'm sorry I believed you were my friend. I'm sorry things turned out this way. I'm sorry that I have to end this, end my relationship with the man who fathered my only child. But what I need, you can't give me. And if I try to maintain this, whatever it is, with you, I'll only be regretting that I ever thought you could be what I imagined."

"Lor…" Christopher mumbles softly.

"Goodbye Christopher. Have a good life. The door to Rory will always be open but the door to me is now and forever will be closed, locked and deadbolted." With that she turns and walks out the door, shutting it tightly behind her. Feeling the trembling returning, she takes a few deep breaths, knowing she's only just taken the first and possibly the easiest steps towards repairing the wreck she has made of her life. She knows she has grasped that first rock but there will be many more rocks to reach for before she finally pulls herself out of the hole.


	2. Chapter 2

As she drives the few hours back to Stars Hallow, she tries to stay focused on the topic at hand. She needs to make a plan. Without a plan, she's got nothing. At least, that's what Rory always claimed. So that's it, be like Rory. Stay organized. Stay focused.

But a plan needs a definite conclusion. She needs to have something to plan for. She needs to decide what she wants, like the stupid psychologist said. She needs to decide what she wants and go after it.

Yesterday she had decided. She had wanted to move on with her life, whatever that meant, the next phase. She wanted marriage and kids. Who she was going to marry and who she was going to have kids with didn't seem to matter. Luke had been the obvious first choice. But he hadn't answered. At least, not the way she wanted. He had responded the way she expected him to respond, the way she had basically forced him to respond. She had given him no time to think, no time to process what she was saying at all. She had hoped to say 'let's elope' and him to respond with an instant 'the truck's outside'.

Who was she kidding? The only way to get that response from Luke is for him to have been also thinking about eloping. But he hadn't been, not at that time anyways. He had been thinking about other things: work, burgers, customers, April, wallpaper, possibly the fact that his fiancée was having a breakdown in front of him. The things he should have been thinking about at that time. And she shows up with her 'let's elope', 'don't you care about me?'. Her whole 'now or never' ultimatum. And when he didn't instantly agree to her plan, she had walked away.

Standing in the street, she had had all these thoughts running through her head. Voices. Luke. He said he loved her. He said he didn't want her to meet April. He had postponed the wedding. Anna. She had said being engaged doesn't mean anything. She had said that she didn't want her around April until they got married. Emily. Sookie. The psychologist lady. Christopher. They had all said things. They had all voiced their opinions. And at that moment, standing in the street in front of Luke, trying to get him to agree to her plan, all their words were running through her head, confusing her, harassing her, motivating her until she didn't know which one was whose and which one to listen to and which was her own. And the words just kept spilling out of her mouth until she realized that Luke was the only one not saying anything and then all she could hear was her own subconscious yelling at her to run. And so she had.

Focus. That's what she needs. She realizes she's strayed from her original train of thought. She needs to figure out what she wants. And as she drives, she realizes that when all the voices were yakking and complaining and chattering, all she kept staring at were Luke's eyes, filled with concern and love, the entire time she never took her eyes off of him. But she had allowed the voices to let her lose her focus and in the pause after she delivered her ultimatum, when Luke had frozen, she had looked away from him and his eyes, and for that second when all she could hear was her own subconscious, she was lost. What she should have done is keep her eyes on Luke, keep her hands in his, touching and feeling his love flowing into her, and maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have fallen so far so fast. What she needed was Luke. Her Luke. The man she had loved. The man who loved her daughter as his own. The man who had been her rock and her strength for ten years. The man who she had depended on.

Luke.

He is her end. He's where the plan is leading. He's what she needs to fight for. He's the one at the entrance to the hole she's fallen into. And now all she needs to do is keep climbing and she can get back to him. She had slowly become unglued over the past week but leaving him, walking away last night, taking her eyes from his, that had been the moment that everything fell apart. Because he was the only person who could keep her together.

Okay, now she needs to focus. She's figured out her end. Now what's the game plan?

And just as she's reached that point in her mind, she's already pulling up in front her house. 'This is where it has to end and this is where it has to happen'. She smiles to herself. Jerry knew there were things worth fighting for and it took him a whole movie to figure out who that was. For her, it had only taken 24 hours, but the worst 24 hours imaginable.

Luke. She needs to find Luke. Which, as she looks around and notices the open garage door, seems to be pretty simple. Quickly running her fingers through her hair, she then figures it doesn't matter because he's seen her looking worse. Glancing at her coat and purse, she decides to get them later, first things first. Because, she's got a lot of 'splainin' to do.

As she gets out of the jeep, she gazes longingly at the front door. Wanting to run in there and hide and, more importantly, shower. She still feels dirty. But maybe, probably, that's how it should be. Especially with what she's about to do. She can't avoid it, she'd been avoiding things for weeks and that hadn't helped. She's just gotta face it, take what comes.

She walks into the garage to find Luke lying in the boat. His arms are folded behind his head and his ankles crossed as if he's actually out on the water just sailing away on a hot summer day. And for a moment, all she wants to do is climb in there with him, curl up to his side, blow kisses in his ear and lay her head on his shoulder. Pretend everything away. But she's made her bed, more like destroyed her bed, and she damn well better lie in it.

"Luke," she says softly, just to get his attention. And his eyes instantly focus on her as she walks up to the side of the boat. She places her hands on the edge, looking down at him.

"Lorelai," he answers, his eyes still, as they had been the night before, filled with love and concern. And her heart clenches. And her stomach curls. A bitter taste forms in her mouth as she again sees what she has done. What she will lose. What kind of person she has become. "You didn't come home last night," he notes. She glances down at her dress and then back at him.

"Luke, I…" Her voice breaks as she tries to work the words over her tongue.

"Lorelai, about last night- " But he stops when she holds up her hand.

"Just let me," she insists.

"I just want to…" She shakes her head.

"No, I have to. Just let me talk. Please, Luke," she pleads, knowing that if she hears him apologize or say anything the least bit complimentary towards her, she'll break down in sobs and never actually be able to get the words out. Luke just nods his agreement. "I just need to explain." She takes a deep shaky breath, concentrating. "Have you ever seen Indecent Proposal?" Luke furrows his eyebrows, confused.

"Huh?"

"It's a movie," she explains.

"I figured as much. I'm not sure…"

"Woody Harrelson. Robert Redford. Demi Moore."

"What's it about?" Luke asks.

"Robert Redford plays this guy, this rich guy, John Cage. And he – he offers Woody Harrelson, David, one million dollars for a night with his wife," she explains.

"Demi Moore."

"Right, his wife, Demi Moore."

"No, I haven't."

"Oh…" She looks down at her hands.

"Was there a punch line I missed?" She gives him a small smile.

"No. I – uh – I just wanted to…" She shrugs. She's not even sure anymore where she was going with that. There was a reason, she knows, something about David. Something he said. But she's gotta stop, she's gotta focus. Say it now. "Last night was Friday Dinner." Luke nods.

"I figured as much. It was Friday. I hadn't heard that the Gilmores were out of town. Course I hadn't heard much of anything from you in days," Luke responds.

"Luke, can I just…? I just want to, you know, say what I have to say."

"I'll try to keep quiet," Luke says.

"Can you do another favor for me?" she asks. Luke raises an eyebrow, his hands moving to fold over his stomach instead of behind his head.

"What's that?" he asks, instead of what he would normally say, which is 'sure'. She notices this. She's starting to see the damage that's already been done to them.

"Can you keep your eyes on me? Can you just do that?" she begs, needing this more than anything. She needs to feel him, not his actual touch because she doesn't deserve that, but just his feelings. She needs to know he's with her. Luke nods, focusing his eyes on her. "Okay." She takes a deep breath, preparing to begin again. "Last night I went to Friday Night Dinner. And it was…" She frowns. "I was going to say typical, but they're typically untypical, I guess." She furrows her eyebrows. "Right?" Luke shrugs. "Oh you've only been to a few, I guess, so nothing to compare it to."

"They've all been pretty unusual," Luke responds.

"Well this one was kinda strange. Mom decided to repay old debts, or something, I guess. She invited Christopher."

"Christopher?" Luke repeats as if the name is foreign to him.

"Yeah, you know, Rory's father?" Luke nods.

"I know who Christopher is," he assures her, but his tone reminds her of his true opinion of Christopher.

"Right. And she invited this lady, a psychologist, Linney or Linda or Lanie…" She pauses, trying to remember the woman's name. "Something… to be his date."

"His date?" Luke repeats.

"Yeah, I guess I should just have been thankful that she wasn't inviting him to be my date," she replies lightly. Little does he know, she realizes.

"Well, you said that she seemed to finally be accepting us as a couple," Luke reminds her. She nods, glancing away, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes. She sniffs, but looks back at him. If he sees the tears, he doesn't comment. And she knows she needs to lock her eyes with his to finish the whole sequence of events.

"Anyways, the whole forced setup wasn't appreciated. By them, I mean. But after, when I was leaving, I ran into um… the psychologist, in the driveway."

"If she's going to be in this story again, you might as well just make up a name for her," Luke suggests.

"Judy," she answers quickly.

"Okay, Judy the psychologist," Luke agrees.

"We chatted for a bit and next thing I knew I was in the backseat of Judy's car." Luke raises an eyebrow. "Talking, Luke, talking, get your mind out of the gutter. And I was – just talking – about so much – revealing everything – telling Judy my life story – or something. I told her about my parents, who have been married for – God – 40 some years now. And they're perfect together and they're crazy and maddening, but still… And I said I just – I never saw myself getting married – I mean – it just didn't seem to be me – or something – at least until Max. But I didn't marry Max because I didn't love Max. And then I told Judy – I told her that I – I said that I never really loved – anyone. Not Max. Not Christopher. Not anyone really – until you." She watches his expression as she says this, but his face is frozen, there's a flash of something in his eyes, but it's so quick she barely has time to process and figure out what it means before it's gone. "And I told her about my proposal to you. And how that's when it was that I realized – that it finally became clear – that I was ready – I was finally ready to get married. Because it was you standing in front of me going on about how you were going to do this and I was going to do that and we were going to get Rory where she needed to be and I could see how much you loved Rory. I mean – that was it – that's all I needed. I was ready to commit – to you, I mean. I was ready for marriage. I was ready to say this is the guy who I love and who loves me and my daughter and I want to be with him forever. And Judy told me to decide what I wanted and go for it. And what I wanted – at least at that point – was to get married and have another kid or two. With you, Luke, with you. And she said I had to decide that if I told you what I wanted and I didn't get it, if I wanted to wait. And…" She shrugs. "I don't know. Something clicked. And not it a good, omigod I just realized something, kinda way. It was like something went wrong. All I kept hearing was 'maybe it wasn't meant to be', 'maybe you don't really have it', 'only you can make you wait'. And that's just – I don't know – I probably wasn't the right person for her to say those things to."

"Because it's not true?" Luke asks. She shrugs.

"I don't know. I just – I needed to make it happen – I needed it to be then. Last night. At that time. I was afraid if we waited – I mean I thought I might…" She huffs, looking down.

"You might change your mind," Luke finishes for her. She looks back up at him.

"We might go back to being what I said we were. Luke 'table for one' Danes and Lorelai 'something about emotional baggage' Gilmore, more like Lorelai 'fear of commitment' Gilmore. It's true Luke, it's all true. I'm scared. And I was scared. Last night. I was scared. I was scared of losing you. I was scared of losing me. I was just scared," she admits. "So I went to the diner and I – I just needed you to say yes – which I knew you wouldn't."

"I want to marry you Lorelai, I meant that," Luke insists. She holds up a hand.

"I know, but please, Luke, don't. Don't say that. I mean, you're the only one – the one man I have ever even saw myself committing to. But what if, deep down, I'm still that teenager on the run?" she asks, almost rhetorically. "And then I gave you that damn ultimatum and you didn't say now."

"I didn't say anything," Luke recalls. She nods.

"Right, but somehow to me that was, never. That was, Lorelai you're freaking kidding yourself to think that you could ever commit to anything. You're handing out ultimatums to a well known nonspontaneous man and expecting him to be spontaneous. And that can only mean that…" She pauses, before going on. "So I left."

"I remember," Luke recalls. "Where did you go?"

"I felt so alone Luke. So alone in the world. I can't commit, I can't be alone, I'm so so messed up Luke, it's unbelievable. But I didn't have anything, anyone. I didn't trust you. I didn't trust myself. I just needed to go somewhere, to someone that I could talk to, pour my heart out to, someone who wouldn't let me be alone." She cocks her head, swallowing hard, not wanting to reveal who it was.

"You went to Christopher's," Luke realizes. Her mouth drops open. "Come on, Lorelai. You had seen him that night. He's been your friend since you were kids. He was just on your mind."

"Oh Luke…" She almost looks down but can't tear her eyes away from him. He seems so calm, so settled, so sure of her love for him. "Yes, I went to Christopher. But, just to talk. So we talked. And we drank, cuz apparently that's what I do when I'm upset, cuz I'm still a teenager. And I just said so many things that I have no idea anymore what they were. And I…" Her voice catches in her throat and she struggles for breath, tears forming in her eyes. She struggles to keep her focus, keep her eyes on Luke's. But she has no choice, because she can't stand to look in his eyes anymore because she knows what she's about to see, and she looks away. Just that small movement and she shatters. Luke sits up.

"Lorelai?" he says, his voice full of questions.

"I…" She presses her lips together as she begins to tremble. "Oh." The sobs come rippling out of her, beyond her control and she clutches her stomach. Within a second, Luke is out of the boat, his hand on her shoulder. But she shakes him off, stumbling out of the garage.

"Lorelai, it's okay," he says softly, following closely behind her. She stops, turning to face him, her head wagging sadly.

"No, it's not." She gulps in air, trying to breath between her sob, her stomach twisted so much that she's almost doubled over in pain. Finally, she manages to breathe just a gasp of air and bring her eyes to his. "I slept with him, Luke. I went there and I begged him to take the pain away and I slept with him." And instantly she releases a choking sob, stumbling on the grass, falling to her knees. She leans over herself and throws up. "Oh God," she cries, her head shaking as she bends over herself again.

Luke, who is frozen in place ever since she revealed the truth to him, watches her. He sees her in pain, crumpled into herself, wracked with sobs and everything coming out of her all at once. After a moment, his legs begin to walk towards her, as if separated from his body. He kneels down next to her, placing a hand on her back. But he's still lost in a fog, just going through the motions.

"Oh Luke, I'm…" she manages, but is totally caught in her hysterics. She leans over her knees, throwing up again.

Silently, he stands and walks into the house, coming back only a moment later with a wet washcloth. He kneels next to her, pulling her shoulder back to wipe the washcloth over her face. He's still there, because whatever she's said, hasn't really sunk in yet. And until it does, she's still his Lorelai, she's still the woman he loves. And frankly, it's scaring him, what's happening to her right now.

"Please don't touch me. Don't be nice. Don't be you," she whispers as she regains some control over herself. She takes the washcloth from his hand and crumples to the grass, curls up in fetal position, holding the wet cloth to her head. And she sobs, just letting the past 24 hours go all at once. "God Luke, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I really do. I'm just so – I'm so messed up. You didn't deserve this. You deserve better than me." And Luke listens to her choke out these words, watching her wracked with guilt, in pain from her sobbing and so different from the strong Lorelai he had always known.

Slowly he gets to his feet and glances around. He spies Babette watching out her window, knowing that if he leaves, she'll be over to pick up the pieces within a heartbeat. He looks at the house he was supposed to move into and the boat that Lorelai kept safe for him to deal with his own guilt. Finally his eyes land once again on Lorelai, his love, his life, his everything. And, he knows he's done this to her.

After she stumbled off last night, he'd stood in the street for what seemed like a century. He had needed to talk to someone too. He didn't go to her house to see her, he went to find some connection to the one person other than Lorelai that had ever really listened to him. And he found himself lying in the boat, talking to his father, asking his father how he got to where he was. And after all that time lying in the boat, he'd finally heard her words from the night before. He'd understood her fears. That he doesn't want to marry her. That he's never going to be ready. That he'll always be Luke 'table for one' Danes.

And he'd finally seen what she's been saying about April. What she said about April being in their life. April's his daughter and nothing can change that because it's biology. It's genetics. That can't be altered with a slammed door.

What can be altered with a slammed door is his relationship with Lorelai. She's the one he's waited 10 years for. She's the only woman he would ever do that for. She's the only woman who can make him laugh and cry and feel things he never thought possible. She's his world. And he knows he wants to marry her. He knows he wants that to be permanent. So why can't that happen? Because of so many things.

Judy told Lorelai to decide what she wants and to go after it. Well he wants a lot of things. He wants to be a father to his daughter. He wants to be an uncle to Jess. He wants to be there for Rory. He wants to run a successful business. He wants to be there for Liz, especially now that she's pregnant. But most importantly, he wants to be with Lorelai. She is everything to him and when she walked away the night before, he felt alone too. He felt empty. And he knew that he would be lost without her.

Luke bends over and touches Lorelai's shoulder gently. Her sobs have lessened but she's still curled on the ground. With his small touch, she looks up at him. "I – I need to go – I have something – there's some things I have to do. But I'll be back," he promises.

"You're coming back?" she croaks out, as if she didn't hear his last sentence, afraid that it might not really be true.

"I'm coming back. I'll be back tonight. I promise, I'll be back," he assures her. She nods.

"Okay," she answers softly. "I'm so sorry Luke." Luke nods, his hands going to his hips.

"Yeah. Okay." He gazes at her a moment, seeing deep in her eyes, all the emotions, the fear, the love, the anger, the sadness. And he knows this is a look he never wants to see again. He glances up at Babette, making sure she's still watching, which she is. "I'll be back," he repeats and then walks away.

Listening to his footsteps get softer and softer, she lays her head back on the ground. "He'll be back," she whispers to herself, her arms clutching her stomach, holding herself together, vowing to make up for her actions and fight for what she wants because she knows that he's everything to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all the reviews and compliments! You guys are the best! Keep it up!  
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Later that evening, she sits on the porch steps drinking a beer. Just waiting. Just hoping. Just mulling things over in her mind. All that she's done. All that she's been through. She's just trying to piece things together and make them fit so that she doesn't feel so Jekyll and Hyde. 

She slept with Christopher. That's a bitter pill to swallow. But she did. She slept with Christopher. She could have explained it away on the alcohol or her emotional state, but that wouldn't have been right. That wouldn't be just. She was the one who showed up at Christopher's telling him she didn't want to be alone. She was the one who laid her head on his shoulder when he was holding her, as if giving him permission to kiss her. And when he had, she had been the one to respond. And when he had put her arms around her, she was the one to ask him to have sex with her. She was the one who begged him to take the pain away. She was the one who told him that sleeping with him would make everything better.

And it hadn't. Sleeping with Christopher had made everything worse. Not only had she allowed Christopher to ruin their relationship forever, but she had destroyed everything else as well. She ruined the relationship Rory had finally been developing with Christopher, because Rory couldn't stand to see Luke hurt, as she had found out just a year before that Rory's love for Luke came ahead of her love for her own father.

More than that she had hurt Luke.

Luke. The only man she had ever loved. The only man she ever let in. The only man she ever slept with in her bed. The only man she ever let truly be a father to her daughter. He was the only one who really got her. He was the one who was her strength when everything was falling apart. And, more than that, he was the only one that she had ever thought would complete her. In the end, that's all that mattered.

She had hurt herself too. She didn't know who she was anymore. What kind of woman goes to the man she loves, tells him she loves him over and over, begs him to marry her and then goes to another man and has sex with him? What had made her do that? She had been broken. She had fallen to pieces and at that point she had seen no way out. And she hadn't been thinking. She wasn't thinking about anything. Not Rory. Not Luke. Not herself. Not Christopher. But that had been what she wanted at that point, not to think, just to feel, just to know that she still exists, just to know that someone still wants her.

The morning had come with its own surprises. She had finally come to her senses. She had finally begun to crawl out of that hole she had been slipping into since Anna's pronouncement that engagements meant nothing. No, before that, since she had found out about April. Was it even before that? Was it when Rory had left?

She can't remember. When was the last time she was happy, truly happy? She had been happy during April's birthday party, but there was still the postponed wedding at that point. She had been happy when Rory came home, but Luke had already started pulling away. She had been happy when she got engaged, but Rory, the reason for the surprise popped question, was no longer in her life. So it had to have been before that.

The only moment that pops into her mind at this point is the opening of the Dragonfly. That first night. That first kiss. That first perfect moment. The first time when she had thought that maybe, just maybe, she had finally found it, everything, her best friend, her love, her other half, all in one person. And then she remembers. The night Luke made dinner for her. The morning he ordered those cute yellow boots. Their first date and first… erg… after date. So many moments, so many reasons she can't lose him, because he's what makes her happy. And even when he's tearing her heart to shreds, he's still the only one who can put all the pieces back together.

Since her realization on the way home from Boston, that's what she vowed to do. She's going to make Luke her priority. Fixing things with Rory was quick and easy, even though Christopher was her father. Talking to her parents will be dreadful, but still a piece of cake compared to what's coming. Because she knows she's going to have to fight for Luke. She's going to make sure he knows that he's number one. That he's more than she could have hoped for or deserves. Because he is her whole package.

Just then she sees Luke walk up the driveway. He has his hands in his back pockets and he's watching her, almost warily, as he walks up to the steps. She gazes back at him just the same, trying to figure out what he's thinking before he reaches her. But she can't. She hasn't been able to in months, so why would that change now?

"Beer?" she asks, offering one to him. He stares at her for a moment before taking it and nodding, lowering himself onto the porch step next to her. Well, on the same step as her, not technically next to her. You could fit the whole royal court of England between them, and then some.

"Thanks," he grunts, as usual. He pops off the cap, drinking some of the beer. Both of them lost in thought. Thinking on similar lines. Wondering what the other is thinking or feeling.

"You came back," she finally points out. Luke nods.

"I said I would," he reminds her, making it her turn to nod. "Babette come over?" She glances over at Babette's house, thankful that she knows Babette took Apricot to the vet just an hour ago so she's not watching them.

"Yeah she did," she responds vaguely. Luke raises an eyebrow, but guessing that she's not going to go into details, he drinks more of his beer. She chuckles to herself. "You know, these are the moments we used to have. Remember?" Luke nods.

"I remember."

"It was so easy. So simple. Babette even asked me at one point if we had gotten married and she hadn't known about it. Which would be impossible with the paparazzi that followed us wherever we went." Luke chuckles. She sneaks a glance over in his direction, but his expression is unrevealing.

"Well I think it helps that we were good friends before we ever got together. That's what made it easy. We just added in another element," Luke notes. This time he sneaks a glance over at her, but her eyes are distant and he wonders where she is.

"Did you ever question if we should have?" she asks.

"You mean if we should have just stayed friends?" Luke wonders. She nods, glancing over at him. They share a look. "Couldn't happen," he says, looking away, drinking more of his beer. "We were always more than friends, we just didn't know it." She drinks more of her beer, contemplating his words, wondering if he still feels the same after what she's done.

Finishing her beer, she sets it down next to her and stands. "I have something to show you," she says. Luke looks up at her with uncertainty. "Come on Luke, it's not Paul Anka spelling out his name in kibble this time." Luke sighs, but stands. He finishes his beer and sets it down on the porch. She almost reaches to take his hand but then decides against it and walks into the house with Luke following closely behind her.

They walk into the living room where she pauses, turning to him with a huge grin on her face, folding her hands in front of her. "So, what do you think?" she asks. Luke looks puzzled by the question. She waves her hand at the mantle. "Well?" He walks over to the mantle, where three more pictures have been added. The one from Rory's camera of Rory and April at Jess's bookstore. One of April and Luke at her birthday party and one of April, Luke and Lorelai at her birthday party. Luke raises his eyebrows and slowly turns to face her, a stunned look on his face. "Okay, don't answer yet. There's more. Come on." She waves for him to follow as she runs up the stairs.

Luke follows her down the hall past the bedroom and into the sewing room, which apparently is no longer the sewing room. The walls are now painted a brilliant purple and the word 'April' is painted on the wall in big white cursive letters. There's a small bed in one corner covered in a purple quilt with little white hearts. There's a white desk against the wall with a copy of Harry and the Purple Crayon sitting on it. There's a bookcase along one wall filled with lots of 'how do they do that?' books. She watches Luke's face as he gazes at the room, slowly taking it all in. "She told me she is obsessed with Harry and the Purple Crayon," she tells him.

"She did, did she?" Luke wonders in amazement.

"Yup."

"There's a poster of Emilio Estevez on the wall," Luke points out. She shrugs, grinning.

"I don't know who the girls are into these days. He's the one I thought was to die for when I was her age," she explains. "I was going to ask Rory when she came over to help paint the room, but with Logan in London, I wasn't sure I really wanted to put her on the topic of hot guys." Luke nods, understandingly.

"Rory came over?" Luke realizes after a moment. She nods.

"Yeah. We talked. She's – well she's – I guess you could say she's on your side," she responds. Luke raises an eyebrow.

"My side?"

"Yeah, I guess. But she supports my decision to cut Christopher out of my life once and for all," she explains, noticing Luke's slight grimace on the name Christopher. But she knows she needs to tell Luke. "I never told you that, did I?" He shakes his head, finally turning to face her. "I did, Luke. I did. I know I said he's always going to be in my life because he's Rory's father. But I was wrong. He doesn't need to be in my life. I thought he was a friend, but he wasn't. He was just waiting for me to be vulnerable again, enough so that I…" Her voice breaks and she grimaces, looking down at the ground, playing with the ring on her finger. She purses her lips looking back up at Luke. "I told him it was over, Luke, I did. I swear," she says almost pleading with him to believe her. "Christopher was my first boyfriend, my first lover, but not my first love. You're my first love. My only love. And I'm so sorry I hurt you." Luke stares into her eyes, her clear, blue, ashamed, open, honest eyes. He clears his throat.

"I know," he grumbles. "I know you said that to Christopher."

"You know?" she says, baffled at this response. How did he know she would do that?

"I know because I just got back from Boston." She swallows.

"Boston?" she squeaks out. He nods. "You went to see Christopher? You weren't supposed to go see Christopher." He gives her a look and she remembers that he said something similar the night before. She sighs.

"I went to see Christopher after I left your mother's." Now she's really bewildered.

"My mother's? You went to see my mother?" she asks in disbelief.

"Yeah, after I left Anna's." Her eyes fly open. She takes a deep breath, shoving her hands in her back pockets.

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" she suggests. Luke chuckles.

"Actually, that was the beginning," he responds. "After I left here I went immediately to Anna's. I wanted to hear from her exactly what she said to you." She folds her arms over her chest, leaning back to let him know to continue. "And Anna said basically what you said. That she is a single mother of a thirteen year old and she's trying to deal with her daughter's father suddenly being in her daughter's life." She snorts.

"That's her own damn fault," she spits out. Luke nods.

"That's what I told her," Luke says. She raises an eyebrow.

"Seems like we're both growing backbones lately," she notes.

"Shoulda done that awhile ago," Luke responds. "She said she told you she doesn't want you near April until we're married. Which I said was idiotic considering first of all, you've got a kid yourself, you know how to be a parent more than I do, and second of all, I'm her father and I get to decide who she spends time with when she's with me."

"Wow," she gasps, almost amazed by the words coming out of Luke's mouth.

"Well she didn't appreciate that response." She frowns, sympathizing with him.

"Oh Luke, what did she say?"

"She said if I was going to be that disinterested in what happens when April's with me then maybe she should rethink our agreement."

"Oh Luke," she mumbles. "You should have told her that I was out of your life."

"Are you?" Luke asks. She shrugs. "Well I told her that she better rethink that statement and I walked out."

"You just left it like that? Luke, you might never see your daughter again!" she exclaims, throwing her hands out at her sides.

"Lorelai!" Luke shouts, grabbing her arms, getting her full attention. "Didn't you say that we need to work April into our life?" She nods. "Didn't you mean to say that I shouldn't make April more important than you?"

"I…." She looks away, ashamed. "Luke, she's your daughter."

"And Rory's yours, but I don't think Rory's any more important to you than I am," Luke responds. "Lorelai, am I right?" She stares into Luke's eyes, seeing them more open and loving than ever before.

"Yes, Luke, you're right," she whispers. "I love you both." Luke nods, letting go of her arms.

"Same goes for you and April. So I drove out to Hartford."

"To see my mother?" she asks. Luke nods. "Why on earth would you want to see my mother?"

"I explained the whole thing with April to her. I needed a lawyer. I knew she could find me a good lawyer. And she did. She's helping me file for joint custody of April. And based on the fact that April's paternity was kept a secret for so long, the lawyer said I'd probably win."

"That's great Luke. I'm happy for you. But you hate lawyers." Luke shrugs.

"Sometimes you gotta do things. You don't like Mondays but they come around anyways, or whatever that was you said," Luke responds. She rolls her eyes grinning.

"It's a Boomtown Rats song. But it doesn't matter in the least right now," she says, waving it off. "Did you tell my mother about what happened last night?"

"No. Does she need to know?" Luke asks. She shakes her head. "I just thought – I mean you said this morning that she was accepting me in your life – I just thought she'd be willing to help me – help us. I needed a lawyer and I thought she could find me the best one. And I wanted to see if you were right, if she really has accepted it."

"She's been amazing lately, I mean for Emily Gilmore."

"And then I went to see Christopher."

"Yes, now you'll have to explain that one. And please tell me he's still alive. I mean if Rory ever needed a kidney or something, it'd be helpful if he were alive," she tells him.

"Oh he's alive. Apparently you already took the words right out of my mouth. He took advantage of you Lorelai. I mean he didn't, you know, or anything, but he took advantage of you, of the situation. We just had a fight, you were vulnerable. You just wanted to not be alone." She purses her lips stepping away from Luke.

"That's true. But Luke, I…" She folds her arms over her chest looking down. "This is going to hurt but you have to know… Luke he wasn't alone in it. He kissed me first but I was the first to ask for more. I basically begged him to have sex with me." Luke nods, folding his arms over his chest as well.

"I know," he says quietly. And Lorelai can finally see that he's let that much sink in. She can see the pain in his eyes, the distance that has formed between them. "Christopher told me. But on his part, he was a… what's that phrase Rory likes? Butt faced miscreant?" She nods. "That's what he was, Lorelai. Another person. If you would have gone to anyone else, I don't know, pick someone, Kirk. If you had gone to Kirk and begged for that, he would have-"

"Run away screaming like a little girl," she interrupts.

"Right okay, but you get my point. If someone I used to date had come to me, as a friend, and I wasn't in a relationship but she was engaged, I would have said no. I wouldn't have ever budged."

"Good. But Luke, I still…" Luke holds up his hand.

"I know." They stare at each other, for once both are able to read between the lines, see what the other is thinking through his or her eyes. Luke can see that she's dying inside because of her mistake, that she knows it was a mistake, that she regrets it, that she'd love to pull a Cher and turn back time. And on her part, she can still see that Luke's trying to work through this, that he's having to force himself to look her straight in the eye. "Lorelai, I'm not relieving you of your part of the blame but I am placing some on that bastard of an ex you've got and I am placing some on myself." She takes a deep breath, having finally realized that Luke's figuring out what's been going on, that she wouldn't have ended up at Christopher's if Luke had opened up, if he had let her in. Luke takes hold of her upper arms again. "Lorelai, I don't know where we're going to go from this, but what I do know is that I hurt you, I kept you at arms length, I was also scared of commitment. I'm sorry about that. But I do love you." He runs his hands up and down her arms. She licks her lips.

"I love you too Luke. And I'm sorry."

"Come're," he mumbles as his hands run up to cup her cheeks, pulling her lips to his. She kisses him back both kissing hungrily as if they had gone months without rather than days. But as tears begin to rolls down her cheeks, she pulls back.

"Oh Luke, I can't. I just… I can't," she says, shaking her head, wanting to give in but knowing she doesn't feel deserving of him yet. Luke nods, stepping back, letting her go. They stare at each other for a moment, both feeling a little uncomfortable with what just happened, both knowing that they weren't ready for that, things still weren't settled. He turns to walk out of the room when she grabs his arm.

"I thought you wanted me to leave," Luke says. She shakes her head.

"No, stay Luke. Please stay. Hold me. I need you here, Luke. I don't want to be alone," she whispers, her voice trembling. Luke nods. He takes her hand, leading her into the bed room. They both climb onto the bed, curling into each other, in their normal position, their arms wrapped tightly around each other.

"I'll never let you go Lorelai," he murmurs in her ear as they both close their eyes. Their first chance to rest since their eyes were opened to everything that had been going on. And both wonder if Luke's words ring true.

They lay there on the bed in the room that they had decorated together. Two separate entities wrapped up together if only to receive a small amount of consolation. But still separate. Each wrapped in guilt. Each in despair. Each wondering what is in store for them next, wondering if they can ever fully recover. The strides taken this day towards repairing what was broken were so great but seem so small in comparison to what comes next. They've cured the physical barriers but it is the emotional barriers, the psyche, will be harder to fix.

But for now that will have to wait. Now they are exhausted. From fighting against each other and for each other. From living each day in hope that things will magically change. From grabbing each rock and slowly climbing out of the hole. And so they sleep, the only solace is the warm touch from each other's body, keeping them whole, but still separate.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm loving the reviews everyone! I'm so glad you're liking this post s6 fic! **

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The next morning Luke wakes up in Lorelai's bed and before he even opens his eyes he knows he's alone. He can no longer smell her sweet comforting scent. He no longer feels the heat of her body curled up against him as he did when he feel asleep. And as much pain as he's in, falling asleep with her resting comfortably in his arms was the only thing soothing him. 

He opens his eyes and confirms what he already knew. She's not there. And he wonders for a moment if she ever was. He glances around to make sure last night hadn't been a dream, but her blue dress from Friday night is still on the floor as well as her sweats from yesterday. Her side of the bed is mussed, the pillows packed in the way that reveal that she had been there.

Slowly he sits up, leaning back against the headboard. For this moment, it doesn't hurt that she's not there. It's actually a little beneficial, because he realizes he needs this. He needs a moment, a few minutes to process. To mull things over. To get his brain from yesterday morning when she had walked up to the boat all the way to this point in time.

And he remembers that horrible scene. He can still picture her on the ground in front of the house, crying hysterically, doubled over herself, in ten kinds of pain. And he knows that image will never leave his mind. As long as he lives, that awful moment in time will remind him of all he's fighting for.

She had told him that she slept with Christopher.

Christopher. The man who got her pregnant and then left her when she refused to marry him. The father who barely spoke to his daughter for most of her life and never followed through on any of the promises he made to her. He was the person who had promised Lorelai that he was ready to make good on his promise to become a part of the family only to leave the moment his ex got pregnant and drive Lorelai to tears by treating her as if the situation was her fault. It was Christopher who played right into Emily's hands, allowed her to use him to get Luke to leave Lorelai. And when that wasn't enough for him, he went crawling back to her, begging to be her friend, using his kid from another relationship as a way to get close to her. That was the man she gave herself to. That was the man she had used to not feel so alone, to replace what she thought she had lost, to make the pain go away.

He didn't know what hurt worse. That Lorelai had slept with Christopher or that he, Luke, had been the one to drive her to that point.

He was supposed to have been better than Christopher. He was supposed to have been the one to do everything right. And he had, at first. At least, he had tried. He made her smile. He comforted her when she was sad. He laughed at her jokes and rolled his eyes when she was doing something ridiculous. And he had loved her. He had opened up his heart to her and let her in. She had been the first. Even Rachel hadn't been able to penetrate.

But Lorelai was different. From the moment he met her, she had been something else. She had been the sunshine peaking through the clouds. She had been the only thing to make him smile on even his darkest days. Even before they had actually gotten together, she had been the only one he could open up to. And when they had first gotten together, she had been everything to him. The air. The sun. The ground. His life. His world. When they broke up, he had lost all of that, he had barely been living.

But when he had found April, something changed. He had to make room in his life for the girl, which is hard when someone else is your entire life. He had thought he had managed well. Making one life with April and one life with Lorelai. That way when he was with them, they would both feel that they were his whole world. And it seemed to work, okay not really. He had trouble making both lives equally important. He had trouble trying to keep the lives separate. And he never felt like he had time to sit and think through how to make it all work.

Until April's birthday party. It was then that his two lives had finally collided. And the two of them were just amazing together. He watched them from a distance, giggling about makeup and he could see it all working out. The happy expression on his daughter's face. The smile spread across Lorelai's face that had been missing for so long.

And then Anna had shown up and said what she said and apparently had said even worse things to Lorelai. Things that lead to Friday. He had been so busy trying to figure out everything else that he hadn't been able to get back to the original plan, which was marrying the love of his life. And she was hurting. He had promised himself that he would never hurt her, that he would be better than Christopher, and look what had happened.

Things had gotten so bad so fast. He had thought that she was trying to get him to put her first, above April, but what she had really been saying is that he needed to find a way to get April and Lorelai both into his life, into one life, make his future wife and daughter equally important in his eyes.

She had come to him and begged him to elope, but hadn't given him time to think things through. He wasn't a spur of the moment type of person. And the entire time she was going on he kept staring into her eyes, seeing something he hadn't seen before, something that might have been there the whole time but he hadn't seen. Then she had delivered that ultimatum and he froze. He still hadn't figured out the whole thing with April and Lorelai. He still hadn't figured out what it was that he saw in her eyes. So he couldn't do it, not then, not at that moment.

Once she had walked away he had figured out what that was that he saw in her eyes. Pain. And the next time he had seen her, yesterday morning. The pain was different. It seemed almost internal this time. And when he left the house, when she was sobbing on the ground, he knew that her pain had become excruciating. And he hadn't known how to fix it. But he knew he had to, because he couldn't lose her. He couldn't go back to what he was without her. He couldn't let her be in pain.

Just as he's about to move onto his next thought, a large dog bounds onto the bed. "Paul Anka!" he shouts, knowing that Lorelai only likes him on the bed when she's in the room. But Paul Anka just sits there, panting, looking at Luke as if he knew Luke was the reason why things were so messed up, as if he knew that things were almost irreparably destroyed. Luke sighs. Or maybe Paul Anka just wants food and Luke is sitting there putting words in the poor dog's mouth.

"Okay, Paul Anka, I'll get you some food. I'm not in the mood to make anything special so you'll have to do with kibble," Luke mutters as he throws the covers off and gets out of bed. Paul Anka cocks his head, giving Luke a sad look. "Fine, if you're good and I'm still around later, I'll make you a nice raw hamburger, how's that?" Paul Anka jumps off the bed and walks out the door. "Good answer." Luke shakes his head, going to his closet and getting out some slippers before realizing he's still in his jeans and shirts from the day before. He takes off the shirts and grabs a new t-shirt from the closet and walks out of the bedroom. He can hear noises downstairs as he's walking. "Okay Paul Anka, I'm coming!"

But as he gets down from the stairs, the scene before him is not what he had imagined. Lorelai is sitting on the hearth in front of the fireplace, which is lit. There are boxes all around her and she is taking things out of the boxes, glancing through them and throwing things into the fire. Hearing him come down the stairs, she looks up at him, a soft smile on her face. "Morning sleepyhead," she greets him. Luke has a bewildered look on his face as he walks over to her.

"Morning," he grunts. Looking over everything around her. "What are you doing up?" She shrugs.

"I don't really know. I woke up. I had things to do. I was motivated," she answers brightly.

"Motivated by what?" he asks.

"You. Me. Us."

"Oh. That." He rubs his face and yawns. "You want me to make you some coffee?" She shakes her head.

"No, I'm good." Luke nods, rubbing his face again. And then he opens his eyes, watching for work for a bit.

"Cold?" he asks. She grins and shakes her head. "In the mood for a good s'more?" She laughs.

"Nope, I'm cleaning house," she answers.

"You didn't clean it when we renovated?"

"Not that kind of cleaning. I'm getting rid of some things," she explains vaguely.

"These boxes," Luke figures, waving a hand at the boxes. She nods. Luke sighs, sitting down on the hearth, a few feet from where Lorelai sits. "What is in these boxes?"

"These are my boyfriend boxes," she says.

"Your what?" Lorelai sighs, as if she's amazed he didn't know.

"My boyfriend boxes. When ever I broke up with someone, I would take everything that reminded me of them and put it in a box and hide it away in the back of a closet. It's something I passed on to Rory. She's got a Dean box, one big one because two would have been pathetic. She's got a Jess box. And for a month or so, I think there was a Logan box," she explains. Luke nods, looking at all the little boxes and the bigger ones.

"There are two bigger ones," he notes. She nods, looking at him.

"This is Max. And this one, this is Christopher," she says, touching each of the two boxes as she mentions it.

"You obviously kept this stuff for a reason. Why get rid of it now?"

"I thought I wanted to keep them to look back and remember. But I don't. I don't care any more. Because they didn't mean anything, none of those guys. They were all just flings. Even Max, just a bigger fling. And even Christopher, just a fling that resulted in child. When I'm 90 and wrinkled and I have blue hair, you're the only one I want to remember. You're the only one I want to look back on. You're the only one I've loved." And Luke is instantly breathless. She's admitted as much to him before, but never so plainly or fervently. He's never really let the words reach him or get to him. This is the first moment since she walked away from him Friday night that he knows that things are going to work out, because the fact that it was Christopher that she slept with, isn't important. To her it could have been anyone, any man who had taken her in and tried to comfort her. Christopher was just another in the long list of guys she had dated but never meant anything. The only reason he was still around was that he was Rory's father. She just needed as escape to make the pain go away.

Luke looks over the boxes and watches her take a pile of things out of the Christopher box. She shakes her head at the items, letting her eyes roam over them for just a second and then she throws them into the fire. "What some help?" Luke offers. Lorelai laughs, knowing that Luke would love to help her get rid of all of these things.

"No, I want to laugh at it all one last time," she responds as she throws another pile into the fire.

"Just make sure there's no alcohol in there. We spent all that money renovating the place, I don't want it to go to waste because you exploded the house." Lorelai snickers. She picks another pile of things out of a box and then looks up at him, just gazing him for a moment, as if checking to make sure he's still there.

"You remember when I asked you about Indecent Proposal?" she asks after a moment. Luke nods. "Well I remember why. David, Woody Harrelson's character, said something that I'll never forget because I never truly got it until now. He said 'I thought we were invincible. But now I know that the things that people in love do to each other, they remember. And if they stay together, it's not because they forget. It's because they forgive.'" She licks her lips as she gives him a moment to really hear the movieline. She reaches over the box that sits between them, touching his hand lightly. "I'll never forget how we got here. I'll never forget your secrets or your lies. I'll never forget that you made me feel like I was less than what I was, that I wasn't important to you. But I can forgive. I do forgive you. Because I love you." Luke nods. He clears his throat, knowing he has to respond as well, and squeezes her hand. He takes a moment, though, just staring into her eyes, seeing both love and hurt, and then he knows exactly what to say.

"David's right. I'll never forget what you did. That you said you loved me and turned around and cheated on me. I'll never forget that you turned to your ex when you should have opened up to me. But I forgive you. I do. Completely. And I love you. I love you Lorelai." They stare at each other, both completely moved by other's statement and profession of love. Lorelai draws her hand back, sifting through the stuff in her lap again, but not really looking at it. "And I'll never stop fighting for your love because I know now what it's like to think I've lost it forever. I hate that we fought. I hate that I didn't listen to you or see what you were trying to tell me for so long. I hate that you walked away leaving me wondering if it was over. But, Lorelai, that's the whole reason I'm here. Because you walking away, you leaving me, brought me to my senses. It wasn't until you disappeared from my view Friday night that I realized I had lost the only person in the world I could never lose." Lorelai purses her lips as her eyes fill with tears. She looks down at her hands, not really seeing the stuff in her lap, lost in her own thoughts instead. Then she looks back up at him.

"I hate what I did. I hate what happened. But unfortunately it was that disgusting turn of events that made me realize I was finally ready to commit. To you. Only to you. I know I proposed and I went on and on about getting married and committing, but it wasn't until I woke up yesterday morning that I was sure, it was instantaneous. That there would never be anyone else in the world for me but you," she says sincerely. In response, Luke reaches over the box, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. Their eyes lock over the boxes, really feeling the pieces coming back together at that moment.

Lorelai clears her throat and breaks the gaze, glancing at the boxes all around her. "Well I'd better get to finishing this," she says, throwing the from her lap into the fire.

"Lorelai," he says and she looks up at him. "Thanks for decorating the room." She smiles softly, grateful for his words.

"You're welcome, Luke. April needs a place to be a part of our life," she responds. Luke nods.

"Yes she does," he agrees. She smiles quickly again and then gets back to work. He stands, just watching her work. "I'd better get to the diner, but I'll be back." She nods, not even looking up at him. "Lorelai." She looks up at him. He leans down and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. She winks and he kisses her again. "I'll see you later." And as he walks away, they both glance at each other again. Both still feeling that things aren't fixed yet, but finally feeling like they could be soon. Both happy to have said what they said because it lifted a weight off of his or her chest. Both can finally see a small light ahead and know they are getting closer to it.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the reviews! If you've been waiting for something big, I promise this chapter is it. And if you're looking for another story, check out my new fic **To Luke, With Love**. I had so much fun writing the first chapter that I know you'll like it. Other than that, have fun reading and keep reviewing!

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After quite a few hours of looking through things and shoving things into the fire and making sure Paul Anka didn't singe his fur, as well as a Rory break, a tater tot break and two coffee breaks, Lorelai is finally standing in the middle of her living room surrounded by quite a few empty boxes. And she's not sure which she's supposed to be more amazed about, the fact that she managed to keep so much junk in such a small house or the fact that she managed to find this many guys who wanted to be with her throughout her 38 years of life. 

True, a few of them couldn't be even called flings. Alex the coffee shop owner who took her fishing. Drake Hogan, her fellow homecoming king in high school. But still, she had kept things.

And now staring at the empty boxes, she wonders for a moment if she made the right decision to get rid of all of this, all the boxes she had been packing things into since she was 13 and had her first kiss. As her eyes wander over the empty boxes, they pause on the biggest one of all: the Christopher box. Her hand instantly covers her stomach as that guilty feeling returns.

She still remembers the day they first met. The day after the Haydens moved in down the street and Lorelai was dragged over there as part of the Hartford Welcoming Committee that her mother was currently in charge of. She wasn't upset that she had to go, because getting out of that large spacious museum of a house was a welcome occasion, but Emily had forced her into one of those frilly pink dresses. Even at six, she had understood that her mother didn't really know her, as Emily kept trying to force her to be more like the little girl Emily wanted her to be than the little girl she was.

There she had stood, next to her mother, staring at the blond haired boy that was trying to hide behind his mother's legs. And she smirked, amused by the boy who was afraid of her. When he had peaked out at her from behind his mother, she had stuck her tongue out at him, unfortunately at the same moment that Emily had looked down at her to introduce her to Straub and Francine. She had looked down at the ground as if embarrassed but inside she was glowering at the fact that Emily couldn't just let her be the six year old girl that Cindy Brady got to be. As she glanced up at the boy, he was staring back at her and she had seen a commonality in his gaze and a sibling-like bond was formed through their equal resentment of their parents and the world in which they lived. And from that moment, she and Christopher were inseparable.

Christopher hadn't been her first kiss, but he was the first guy she made jealous. Who else was she going to gleefully tell about her first kiss than her best friend? Christopher was the one she had told all her secrets to up to that point. But it was that evening, sitting on the balcony of her bedroom, when she happily told him about kissing Turner VonOy and he had pouted and yelled at her and stomped off, that their relationship had been changed forever. It was that evening that she had realized she could no longer be best friends with Christopher Hayden, that his own feelings of jealousy would get in the way, that she couldn't continue telling him all her secrets and expect him not to get angry.

After another year, she had begun to get bored with all the guys she had dated or kissed or even let past that point just a little. And every day she would pass by Christopher's house and stare at it longingly, remembering how things used to be, wishing she still had him to go to. So she had decided to take action. A few weeks before her 15th birthday, she had found him hanging out with some of the guys from his school at the A&P and had walked up and kissed him. She wanted to know if he still cared about her. She wanted to know if he missed her. But most of all, she wanted to know if it was possible that she had any feelings for him at all. And after the kiss, she knew.

From that moment on, they were inseparable once again. She had found someone to be with who knew her so well because he had been through it all with her. He could keep up with her and was fun and adventurous and always willing to follow along with her every whim. And it was nice to not have to walk by his house everyday on her walk home from school and remind herself that it was his fault they weren't friends. Because they were friends. They were more than friends, at least when it came to the physical part of their relationship. It had been her decision to take their relationship to the next level. She had been up one night listening to her parents discuss her future, not even considering letting her in on the discussion, and she had decided instead that she was going to create her own future, whatever it happened to be. And she hadn't known what she wanted it to be, except that she wanted it to be far away from Hartford.

And then Rory had come. And Christopher had proposed. And she had refused. And he had left. But this time, when she walked by his house, pushing Rory in her stroller, she no longer felt sadness at the loss of their friendship, only anger. Again it was his fault they were apart and this time he had not only left her but he had left their child, their beautiful girl, their Rory.

She wasn't angry because she wanted to be with him. After all, she had been the one to turn down his proposal. She wasn't angry because she had feelings for him, because as it turned out, she didn't. Not loving feelings. She was only angry because he had walked away from their child and, more so, their friendship. She needed him to fall back on, to go to when things were rough, to confide him. Since they were 6 years old, she had loved that about him, she had loved their friendship. She loved him for their friendship.

As the years went on, she hadn't really seen him. He had called every once in awhile to talk to her or Rory. He had tried to remember Rory's birthday or her own, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't her old friend Christopher. He was just some guy who she had slept with.

Until he had come back. And just spending time together, she had remembered their friendship, the sibling-like relationship they had once had. But she again refused his proposal because she knew she would never love him and he had left. And when she was worried about marrying Max, she had called him because she needed a friend, she needed her closest friend, the guy who knew her better than anyone. And during in that small time around Sookie's wedding, she had thought that maybe, just maybe, it could work out, that her physical attraction for him would foster an emotional attraction to him. But before she could figure that out, he had left again for Sherry and Gigi.

So when he had called after she was already dating Luke, it was like old times. Her good friend Christopher was calling to confide in her, to get her help, to hang out and chat. That's what they had always done best. But for him to think that her helping out with Gigi or drinking with him after his father's death was anything more than a good friends being there for each other, was preposterous to her. At that point, she had already begun to understand that her attraction for Luke was physical and emotional. She had already figured out that he could be the one, the only one, the only man she ever loved, her best friend and soulmate all in one.

So when Luke froze in response to her ultimatum, there was only one place she could think of to go. To the person who she had thought she could always confide in, share everything with. The person who was her closest friend outside of Luke. Someone who had known her for years and therefore knew what to do. Because she needed that, she needed to unburden her heart to someone who would hear her out, who would just let her talk and ramble and just listen. She needed someone who would keep her from feeling so alone.

And it was only after she was spent from talking and crying and screaming, that she had laid her head on his shoulder, hoping that he would just hold her close and not let her go until she felt like she could pull herself back together. But then he had kissed her, and the physical attraction she had always had for him surfaced once again. She had responded. And as things had deepened, she had pulled back and, without looking into his eyes, had asked him for it all. She had told him it was the only way to erase her pain. Because she was so mechanical at this point, kissing and touching and letting him do what he wanted, that she no longer felt she had to think about it. And not thinking helped. Not thinking kept her mind off of Luke and the look that was in his eyes when she had made her ultimatum and instead she could just turn her brain off and just feel. And Christopher, who had always had feelings for her, had agreed because he had never seen their relationship as just a friendship. She had never taken the time to explain to him how she saw their relationship. He had just seen them as lovers on hold until they were both single and available to each other. So when she had asked him to have sex with her, he had thought that it was finally time for them.

And it still hurts. To know that she has hurt Christopher. That because she can never look him in the eye again, she has to never see him again. And that thinking about him and that night makes her feel dirty still. To know that the man, who had once been her closest friend, is out of her life forever because she lead him to believe they were more than friends. But as sorry as she is for all of this, she knows she has made the right and only choice. Because she will never love anyone but Luke. Because Christopher has never and will never understand that he was her friend and nothing more. And that by letting her go through with this, by not realizing that she was incapable of making a rational decision at that point, he has destroyed any thought in her mind that he might still be her friend.

Finally she can't take it anymore. "Dammit!" she shrieks, kicking the Christopher box. She covers her face with her hands, disgusted with herself. And at that moment, all she wants again, is for someone to hold her close, and tell her that she's not the horrible person she feels that she is. And there's only one person that can do that, at least he used to be able to do that.

She quickly walks into the kitchen, grabbing her purse and keys and ruffling Paul Anka's fur. She puts some food out for him and runs out the door, gets in her jeep and drives off.

As she pulls into the space in front of the diner and gets out of the jeep, she keeps her eyes averted to the ground. She knows if she doesn't, she'll look around, she'll realize she's in the exact same place she was two nights ago, she'll remember why she's in the situation she's in. She'll see the troubadours on the corner and Luke standing in front of her with the bewildered expression on his face. And she'll hear her words, so many words, that she wants to put back in her mouth and instead sit down and slowly rationalize out so it comes out less like a meth addict's rant and more like a woman who just wants to see some changes in her relationship.

So she stares at the ground, touching her fingers to her forehead to hide her eyes until she gets to the door of the diner and opens it, walking in and closing it behind her. Luke is in front of her on the other side of the counter and she gives him a faint smile, as if they can just pretend this is just like any other day she'd walk into the diner. He glances around the diner, seeing that the faces of all of the customers have reverted to his fiancée. But she doesn't notice, she stands there in front of the door, her hands clasped in front of her staring at him, seeing only him.

He walks quickly around the counter and over to stand in front of her. "Hey," he greets her with concern, touching her elbow. "You're here." She seems almost saddened at his response.

"That's not unusual for me," she responds.

"I just didn't expect you to come here," he says.

"Why? Is it that you didn't want me to come?" she asks, almost starting to wonder why he doesn't seem happy to see her. "Is Anna here?"

"No," he responds quickly.

"Is April here?"

"No."

"Then… why, Luke?"

"I just didn't think that you would come back here, to the scene of… whatever, so soon," he tells her. Finally she takes her eyes off of him and actually looks around, at last seeing that she is the focus of attention of every single person in the diner. And she looks down, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. Luke rubs her arm soothingly.

"Oh," she whispers, crossing her arms over her chest. Luke leans in and kisses her forehead, his hand still gripping her elbow.

"You want me to take you home?" he asks, sensing her distress. She shakes her head quickly.

"I'm fine," she insists quietly.

"You want some coffee?" he offers. She looks up into his eyes, seeing the worried blue staring back at her, and nods. "Come on." He turns and walks behind the counter, she follows closely behind him, keeping her eyes averted to the ground as she walks to her regular stool.

Luke grabs a mug, pours the coffee and sets it in front of her. She grasps the warm mug in her hands, not drinking it just yet. Luke places his hands on the edge of the counter as he watches her uneasily. She stares down at the coffee for a moment and then finally turns her head slightly, letting her eyes drift over the people in the diner. She turns her head to the other side and sees those patrons staring at her, and she reverts her eyes back to the mug in front of her.

But the eyes of those in the diner are still focused on her, she can feel them burning into her back. She closes her eyes, seeing once again Luke's face that night as she begged him to elope, as she repeated her proclamations of love over and over, as she demanded that he marry her now or never. And a single tear drifts down her cheek.

"Lorelai," Luke says softly, reaching out and lightly touching her arm. She looks up at him. "Come on." He motions his head towards the curtain. She nods. "Caesar, take over!"

He follows her behind the curtain and up the steps into the apartment. As Luke pauses to close the door behind them, she slowly turns to face him. She starts shaking as the tears begin to fall and Luke's arms are instantly around her. She covers her face with her hands as she cries into his chest. "That's why I didn't think you should come," he says softly, one hand on her back and one threaded in her hair, keeping her head against his chest. He kisses the top of her head.

After a minute, she pulls back, resting a hand on his chest. "This is why I came," she says through her tears.

"You mean it wasn't for the coffee?" he teases and she gives him a wry smile.

"I just…" She presses lips together, stepping away from him, her eyes reverting back to the ground. "I feel... I just… I feel so dirty," she whispers, her arms wrapping once again around her stomach.

"Lorelai," he says kindly. He touches her arm and motions towards the couch. She nods and they walk over and sit down. She kneels on the couch, her arms still around her stomach as Luke rubs her arm comfortingly.

"I can't…" She shakes her head as if trying to shake the thoughts out of her head and then sniffs. "I just keep thinking about it." She presses her lips together, the tears still running down her cheeks.

"Tell me, Lorelai." She looks up at him, not seeing anger or hurt in his eyes, only concern.

"I can't. I just..." She shakes her head. "You don't want to know." He rubs her arm again.

"Yes, I do. Just forget I'm anything more to you than a friend. I'm your old friend Luke. You're upset, you need someone to talk to, who else would you go to than your good old friend Luke?" And suddenly, all the fear of what to say leaves her, because he's just said the magic words, all while giving her a comforting smile. She smiles softly because she knew she was right, she knew exactly who to go to. "Tell me everything Lorelai." She nods.

"I feel so so dirty. I just keep…" She shakes her head, choking down a sob, closing her eyes, to really feel it, finally get it all out. "I just keep feeling his hands on me." Her hands move up to her upper arms, running them up and down as if still feeling Christopher's hands moving in the same patterns. "I feel his hands on me. On my arms. On my face. All over. And I feel his lips on mine. I just remember, that the whole time, every moment, I was screaming in my head. I knew it was wrong, deep inside somewhere, I could feel that it was wrong. I was repulsed by everything that was happening. But I didn't want it to be like that, I didn't want to feel or think anymore. I just wanted to be mechanical and it was. And it was so easy, so simple, just to forget it all and pretend I wasn't even there. And it was like I wasn't. I was somewhere else. All this was happening to me. Christopher. His hands. His lips. His touch. But it wasn't me, it was my body, but it wasn't me. And I just remember saying to him, 'please Christopher just take all my pain away, make me forget, I don't want to think anymore'. And I thought it would work, but I cried the whole time." She finally lets out a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Luke wraps an arm around her, pulling her against him, wrapping her in his arms. "And it will never go away. I'll never get over this feeling of being slowly stripped of everything that was me. Of letting him take me, asking him to do it. The feeling of knowing what was happening was wrong and the only thing I could do to show it was to cry." She turns her face into his chest as she cries, his arms holding her tight against him and she clutches his shirt in her fists. "I just feel so dirty. I'm a horrible person. I'll never be anything more than that again. Dirty."

"No, Lorelai," he says softly, kissing her forehead. "It was one night. It was one mistake. And it wasn't all your fault."

"But I asked him to!" she cries.

"You were beyond thinking logically at that point Lorelai. You're not a horrible person. I don't think that. I never will," he assures her.

"I hate myself," she cries, sobbing.

"Shh…" He rubs her back, holding her tight against him. But she just keeps bawling, gripping his shirt with her hands. And it's killing him. If the scene when he left her house Saturday morning wasn't enough, this Lorelai is making his heart ache even more.

He slowly stands, picking her up in his arms. "Luke," she moans.

"I've gotcha," he promises as he lays her on the bed. He climbs on the bed next to her, pulling her in his arms so that she's flush against him, completely wrapped up in him.

"Luke I don't…"

"Shhh, Lorelai," he whispers. "It's just me. It's just my arms, nothing more. I'm just holding you. That's it Lorelai. Just cry. Let it out. And then close your eyes and sleep. I'll be here, I'll be the one holding you tight." And with that, she lets loose as told. She sobs for everything she's kept inside. Her feelings about Friday night. And more than that, everything she's felt in the past year: her fear of losing Luke, her fear of losing Rory, her fear of commitment, her anger at herself for being the flawed person that she is.

After a little while, just as Luke thinks she's calming, she pulls her head back slightly and looks up at him. "Thank you," she whispers before bringing her head back to his chest. Luke just wraps his arms around her tighter, holding her against him, knowing that there are tears on his cheeks as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Six chapters later and it's over. You know, when I started this fic I never thought I'd actually be able to give it a happy ending but it just kinda followed. I can only hope that things can work out for Luke and Lorelai in S7. Both need to realize their mistakes and figure out how to forgive and understand that loving each other is more important than anger. Guess we'll see in a few months. At least I can say my catharsis is done, I have faith in Luke and Lorelai once again. Thanks for reading and please review!**

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This morning when Luke wakes up, before he opens his eyes, he can already tell that things are not the same as they were yesterday morning when he woke up. Not only are they not at Lorelai's house, but this time he knows she's still in bed with him. As much as his arms are aching from her laying on them all night, he has no desire to move them even an inch. Instead he buries his face in her hair, breathing in the fruity scent of her hair and the salty scent of all the tears she cried. 

Then he opens his eyes and looks down at her sleeping face. Seeing her as more peaceful than he can remember in the past year. Her lips are curved into a small smile and it melts his heart. He longs to reach out and stroke his fingers over her soft cheek and run his thumb over her lips. And he wants to lean down and kiss her lips.

It's at this point he realizes that any negative feelings that have coursed through him since Friday night have all disappeared. The simple words from her lips, telling him that he's the only one she's loved. That he's the beginning and end to all her dreams. That he's the one she's fighting for. It's all he's needed.

Sure it had hurt, knowing that she had given herself to Christopher, but after all of yesterday, he has finally understood why. That his own part had been to shut her out, keeping her from seeing him anymore as a person that she could go to. That she now fully regretted her mistake and for him to stay angry at her was to prolong their separation and to cause even more anguish in the woman that he loved. She had forgiven him for everything, for not living up to being the person he promised to be, for not seeing how much he was hurting her. It was only fair that he let go of his hurt feelings for her betrayal.

And last night, when she was upset, she had come to him. And he hopes that he responded in the way she needed him to. He believes that he has.

But where to go from here?

They had talked and explained. They had forgiven and repledged their love for each other. They had each tried to fix their wrongs. And last night, they had finally returned to being the couple that they had once been. Two people there for each other through the good times and the bad. And he had held her close as he does still and now suddenly realizes that he's finally ready to take their two lives, their two personalities and form it into one strong solid marriage.

Moving the arm that she's not laying on, Luke touches her hand on his chest with his, taking her hand in his. His fingers playing with the sparkling ring on her finger. He stares at it, admiring its beauty, really seeing how well it fits to her finger, how it is almost a part of her. And he smiles to himself, as if he is almost a part of her. And then her fingers squeeze his back.

He looks down into her eyes, the soft smile on her face. "Morning," she whispers. He squeezes her hand.

"Morning," he responds. She adjusts to lay flat on her back, her head on his arm. Taking his hand between both of hers, she begins to play with his fingers. He bends his head down, smelling her hair again, placing a few small kisses next to her ear and he hears her giggle softly. He picks his head up and gives her a knowing smile, but hers disappears, and she gnaws on her bottom lip. "Hmmm?" he grunts.

"Luke, I don't want to sleep together until we're married," she says gravely. Luke raises an eyebrow.

"But…" He glances up and down her. "We just…" She shakes her head.

"No, Luke, I mean _sleeping together_, sleeping together," she says.

"Ah." She sniffs as the pained look returns to her eyes.

"I still feel so…" she trails off, pressing her lips together. "I love you Luke and I want to be with you, but…"

"I get it," he says. She stares up at him.

"Really?" He shrugs.

"Maybe."

"It's like a born again virgin kind of thing," she explains causing Luke to burst into laughter. She grins at his response. "I just need to not feel it anymore, that whole night, I don't want to feel that for the rest of my life – our life." Luke nods.

"Speaking of that, when are we going to get married?" he asks.

"Really? You're asking me that?"

"Well, Friday night didn't work for me," he responds lightly, as an attempt at a joke. She rolls her eyes. "But I want to marry you Lorelai. And I know saying that is getting a little 'boy who cried wolf' so I want to make good on that." She smiles. "That is, if you will please take back your now or never ultimatum."

"Thrown out the window," she responds instantly. Luke nods, squeezing her hand, interlacing their fingers. They both watch their hands for a moment.

"You know, it is May 10th," he notes. She looks up at him with a puzzled expression.

"That's what my joke of the day email told me too," she jokes.

"How much of that stuff from June 3rd do you still have paid for?" he asks. Her eyes open wide in shock.

"Are you serious?" she wonders in disbelief. He shrugs.

"Sure. I mean, I talked to Emily yesterday, she said that the lawyer she hired for me is trying to get the process moving quickly. And even then, he's getting me visitation rights with April. It may take some explaining to April, or something, I might need a little help with that." Her eyebrows rise again.

"You'd let me do that?" she asks in surprise.

"Lorelai, I do my best, but you're the one who saved me in that birthday party. And she's fitting into our life, not our lives, our life and that means both of us," Luke responds.

"Well one and one still equals two," she notes.

"Not once we get married," he contends. She smiles softly. He reaches up and brushes some of her hair out of her face. "You still scared?" She shakes her head.

"No, I'm ready Luke, I'm ready," she maintains. "Just please, don't back out on me again." He shakes his head, leaning in and kissing her.

"Never," he promises.

"Well, we still have the church. And I've got the dress. And I'm not sure about the caterer but Sookie can still whip something up."

"What do we still need?" Luke asks. "Can we get it together in less than a month?"

"I don't know, maybe. We need invitations," she says.

"We'll just call people. Are we inviting many people that Patty can't just get through the gossip chain?" She grins.

"Nope, not that I can think of."

"Okay then. What else?" he asks. She opens her mouth to respond and then closes it.

"Luke, are you sure you want to do this on June 3rd? I mean it's really soon," she reminds him.

"Yes, I realize that, but there's nothing I want more than to finally marry you. The quicker we do this, the quicker you become Mrs. Lorelai Danes." She grins.

"I like the sound of that." She purses her lips. "You sure you want a big wedding? I mean you were talking about eloping."

"I want you to have your perfect wedding," he insists. "And I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to look back on our wedding and forget all these months that lead up to it, all the pain I put you through, all the pain you've put yourself through in the past few days. Because, Lorelai, I couldn't live with myself if you still saw that side of me, I couldn't live with myself if you spent everyday repenting for past transgressions. We need to start anew." She frowns, reaching up and running a hand down his cheek and then cupping his chin. She takes a shaky breath as if she's about to cry, and she is, but not the painful tears of the night before.

"You won," she says.

"I what?"

"You won, Luke. You said you wanted to fight for me, for us. Well you did, you won. And I won. I won you." He nods, leaning in and kissing her again.

"You did," he agrees, laying his head back down next to hers. "Can I ask you something?"

"If you can move your arm that has fallen asleep?" she guesses. He chuckles. She moves her head so that he can adjust his arm. He breathes a sigh of relief. "Better?" He leans over and kisses her nods.

"Much. But I wanted to ask you about that movie."

"Indecent Proposal?" she asks.

"Yeah. Can we see that sometime? Because I'm thinking I'm really going to like that David guy," he asks. She cracks up.

"Anytime you want. Hey, if we're getting married on June 3rd, does that mean you're going to move in on June 3rd?" she asks.

"Yup. You ready for me?" She shrugs.

"Sure. The real question is if Paul Anka is ready for you," she comments. Luke sighs.

"Man, I at least thought I rated over the dog," he groans. She laughs. They lay there for a moment in silence and then she curls into him, burying her face in his chest.

"Luke," she says softly.

"Yup?" he grunts, having almost fallen asleep again. She looks up at him, waiting for him to wake up enough to look back at her. And after a moment, he does.

"Are you happy?" she asks. He nods.

"I am. Are you?"

"Happier than I've ever been," Lorelai responds. With that Lorelai tilts her head up to capture his lips once more with her, kissing him deeply and longingly. Then she rests her head against his chest as he nestles his nose in her hair. And they both close their eyes, knowing that they are once again at peace and that though recent times had been hard, they only served to make the future a little sweeter and a little more certain and, now that they have climbed out of that hole, a little bit brighter..


End file.
